Leila Murray Journal entry…
8/11/06
“OK, so this is how I see it. I need to ask myself truthfully what I want out of this relationship. By continuing to seek out his friendship and then getting it back to where it was before and then pushing his friendship away because we’re getting too close is a sick repeated pattern on my end and I can see how this looks irrational to a rational male who enters relationships rationally! I am one nutty woman! Realistically, what do I want? Do I see myself living with this man? Would he ever really fulfill me and all my wants and needs? Will he take care of me when I’m sick, comfort me when I’m sad, feed me when I’m hungry, go out of his way to make me laugh, wipe my tears away when I’m miserable, love me even when I’m this NUTS? And what do I see in HIM exactly? And why am I so fricken fascinated with him in the first place. He’s not even that good-looking! He’s just this thin, dorky looking man who I happen to have some chemistry with. Damn…what IS the fascination? I need to really evaluate this before I go even further. What do I want from him? He’s obviously not evolved enough to give it to me. He’s not guided by his heart; he’s guided by his brain. He likes to think things out before he acts on them; I react with my heart. That’s the difference between him and I and that’s what’s making my life so miserable…”
Check back soon for future updates on “Diary of Regret” and its release date!
Trish
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